Exquisite Agony

Anonymous Agony Aunt for the Sexually Frustrated and Curious.

Wednesday 9 March 2011

Dear Aunt X;
I’ve always wanted to try anal, but so many of my girlfriends tell me it hurts and the only reason they do it is because their boyfriends ask for it. My boyfriend hasn’t asked - I just really want to try, but I’m scared. I feel like a total creep. Can you help me?
Love,
Worried.

Dear Worried,
Thank you for your email! You want to know something? Anal is actually one of the things I am written to about the most! You have nothing to be worried about - when done correctly, between two mutually respecting people, it can be one of the more fulfilling and wonderful sexual experiences!




Anal sex is often tarnished by people who have had a bad experience - more often than not because they were expecting it to be something like they see in a porno, and weren't correctly prepared. To properly enjoy yourself and have a good time, it does take a bit of preparation, but it’s definitely worth it! To say only men enjoy anal sex is definitely a myth - I know MANY female friends of mine who thoroughly enjoy anal sex and rate it as an incredibly fulfilling and intimate experience.

First of all, you’ll want to discuss this with your boyfriend - it’s not really something you can just spring on him! If he’s uncomfortable with the idea, reassure him that you’re not going to rush into it and that knowledge in both parties will make it a fun experience.

When you think you’re ready to give anal play a go, I have one word for you. It’s commonly over-used and misused in many situations, but severely underrated in achieving cleanliness and comfort: douche! You’ll want your bottom to be clean, because as with the laws of nature, what goes up, must come down - and you definitely don’t want that coming into effect while you’re already nervous. Anal douches are surprisingly pleasant -  you can pick them up rather cheaply from most sex shops. If this isn’t available to you, at least make sure you empty the caboose before thinking about anal, okay? Good!

Having a clean bottom really does take a lot of the anxiety out of anal play - I know that it is the one thing most people are TERRIFIED of when giving it a go. Naturally it is going to be a little messy, but  don’t worry your head over it; you’re seriously going to be having too much fun to care!

Now, you won’t want to rush straight into anal sex - you will definitely have to get used to something, well, being up there if you haven’t already tried anal play! First of all: LUBE. I cannot stress this enough - dry anal play is bad anal play; lubrication is ESSENTIAL for enjoyment during play when you're a beginner. A nice water based lubricant like Wet Stuff works excellent, however, if you’re feeling luxe (and don’t have any allergies), give a silicone based lubricant like Pjur a go.

Now, the key to anal play is communication; do not be afraid to voice what you do and don’t like! Treat it like any sexual encounter - if you don’t let your partner know what you do and don’t like, they’re not going to know, and you’re not going to have the best time you possibly can!

To begin, a gently inserted and well lubricated finger during sex, or even a small buttplug/vibrator is an excellent transition to anal play. Doc Johnson has released a rather fabulous line of beginners buttplugs, and they look wonderful! Make sure you’re sanitary around the area and make sure you don’t rush it. It’s not a race - taking it slow and easy is the key to enjoyment! I would never recommend doing this in one night - stretching anal play over a few sexual encounters is the best way to go about it and it means being able to take the time to figure out what you both do and don’t like.

When you think you are ready to give anal sex a go, make sure you TELL YOUR PARTNER! No one likes surprises in the bedroom, and surprise anal sex is even worse! Make sure you don’t have to rush off anywhere, hell, even crank out scented oils and candles if it will make you happy! Again, the key is communication and taking things easy. Initial anal penetration is an intense experience - but it shouldn’t hurt. You may feel a little uncomfortable, but it really is the same with your first time (I think we ALL remember how uncomfortable that was!)

You may feel worried that you might, err, poop yourself, but if you took the correct preparation beforehand, you have nothing to worry about! Just relax and enjoy!

Anal sex, when prepared for and communicated correctly, can be an incredibly fulfilling, orgasmic and intimate experience. It should never be looked upon as ‘creepy’ or ‘weird’! I hope you enjoy yourself- perhaps you should show your girlfriends this guide!

Good luck!
Aunt X.






Don't forget, you can contact me with any questions you may have! Drop me a line at:


auntx.exquisiteagony@gmail.com

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